Welcome Page: I love your title! Your format and welcome page are fabulous. I love it! It really gets the reader ready to read about mermaids. Home Page: This is such a cool topic! So creative! I love how you start off with questions, because it helps draw your readers in. One of the interesting things about your storybook is that you are having mermaids have modern relationships even though they are ancient creature. I like idea of bring the ancient to the modern. When I was reading the first part of your home page I laughed when you wrote that the reader had already filled out an extensive questionnaire. I laughed because I thought it was so cleaver! I loved it. Your introduction does a wonderful job of introducing the premise of your storybook, but I wanted a little bit more on the perspective mermaids the reader has been matched with. Maybe a small description of their personality could be added. I did really like the success stories you added at the bottom. They give the reader an idea of what the rest of your storybook is going to be about. I liked that a lot. Overall I think you have a wonderful storybook started!!!
I really enjoyed your introduction. It is by far the most interesting and creative introduction I have read so far. I liked how it is formatted to look like a real dating website. It is not formatted in the conventional introduction layout. The incorporation of multiple images really ameliorates the website.
I also like how detailed your introduction/website is. Even the little details you included such as whether or not the mermaid is "online now" or close to being online. This really adds to the website's portrayal overall. It makes it look like an actual dating website and not just a storybook.
The only suggestions I have are that maybe you could include in your introduction of how one could create his/her own profile. You showed profiles of other mermaids. this will most draw in more viewers. Another suggestion I have is that perhaps you can include more information in the introduction, such as is this dating website only for mermaids or is it a website made for those looking for mermaids. For example, does the person have to a mermaid as well or can the person just be interested in mermaids?
Oh my gosh!! This is great!! First off, mermaids are my absolute favorite!! I am so obsessed with anything that has to do with mermaids. That being said, you already have my attention haha. I love how you made your storybook into a dating website for mermaids! That is so creative!! I really like how you started your intro by using a bunch of questions. It really draws the audience in. I like how you showed a couple of examples of profiles and even added some testimonies. From what I know about dating sites, it has a list of their interests or even a little bio about the person, so it would have been cool to add a small little bio or something about them. It is still a great idea though!! I absolutely love it. There are a few grammar mistakes, nothing too serious though. I really can't wait to read more of you storybook!!
I don't even know where to start haha. I saw "MermaidsOnly.com" and immediately thought of FarmersOnly.com, which I assume has to be the motivation behind this (and if it is not you should check it out). I love the idea and the unique spin on telling romance stories. This is more of a personal thing because I prefer comedy to romance, but you might include in some of your stories little anecdotes from the mermaids' previous experiences on dating sites. So "When I used ChristianMingle.com, the first man I got paired with could barely do the doggy paddle!", or something along those lines. That way it adds in some humor and it goes with the pretty common dating site advertisement of how no other site understood me until I found this one. I absolutely love the concept though and I'll keep checking in to hear the tales of mermaid love!
First off, the title of your storybook is very catching. Of course, I want to read about mermaidsonly.com. Honesty, I had no idea that it was going to be a “dating” site for mermaids, but I thought it was very unique and interesting to read. The layout of the introduction is perfect. I like how you spilt up everything and have a picture for every mermaid and testimonial. This makes it easy to picture what they look like and what they have been through. I think that the testimonials play a big part of the introduction and was a great touch. I am now curious to what other stories are going to be added. Will it be about each individual l mermaid? Will it be about one of their experiences on the website? Will it be about the testimonial couples? There are many options and I cannot wait to see what you come up with. I can tell that you have a great imagination which is wonderful for this storybook. Great job!
Taylor, Your storybook has a great start to it. I really enjoyed the theme that you selected with the mermaids. Upon reading your introduction, it has me excited to read the rest of your stories. I really liked the setup of your introduction page as well because it has a lot of pictures of different mermaids. I really like the method you chose to do your stories as well. With all of the dating websites there are today, it’s a good thing there is finally one for mermaids! You did a great job on this and have been very creative through the process. The only suggestion I have is that the white background I think would be cooler if it had more of an ocean feel to it. I don’t know how easy this is to do, but a nice ocean blue would be pretty cool. It isn’t that the white is bad, but I think it could just add to the overall theme.
This week I was not put into a group, so I chose your storybook because it had mermaids in the title and I LOVE mermaids and mythology associated with them. If I could be one, I am almost certain I would (given that they had full equal rights and all that jazz). Once I arrived on your site, I liked the initial picture and that it hinted further at this being a dating site similar to match.com or onlyfarmers.com (or whatever it is, it's a dating site aimed at farmers and the commercials just crack me up). I love your home page/introduction, it's set up just like you'd see if you were being baited into joining a site like this and would entice a client/customer to be more inclined to meet the beautiful sea-maidens shown on the screen. I love the little blurbs you did for the mermaids and really am excited to see where you take this.
Taylor, I chose to read your project as one of my random selections for the week. I’m now super thankful that I decided to look at your project and check it out. You did an excellent job setting up your cover page and your introduction! All of your decisions for your layout really work to forward your project ideas. Setting up your project as a dating website front is really unique and creative! I love how you set up your pictures to be potential matches for the sight, it really helps for them to seamlessly blend into your post and serve a full purpose. Your introduction division into an “about the site” segment and then a testimonial portion was really interesting as well. So far your project seems to be going excellent and hopefully you have a clear direction of where to move forward and continue! This should be a really fun read and I look forward to seeing more! Good Luck!
Hi Taylor, you were chosen as my free choice for this week. I was immediately drawn to your storybook because of the title, MermaidsOnly.com. What a cute title! I definitely like the layout and the fact that it truly looks like a dating site should look. Each profile has a description with a picture. The testimonial part was so creative! I like how you chose to depict a married couple (female & male) and a couple about to get married (female and female). There's no sexual orientation discrimination on your storybook page! There was one part under the testimonial of Naia & Ava that read a little weird. It was the beginning of this sentence, I met had one person". I wasn't quite sure what you were meaning to say there. There were also a couple places in the testimonials were you only wrote MermaidsOnly instead of MermaidsOnly.com. The pictures were so nice and pretty. Each mermaid looked beautiful and the colors were so vivid. I can't wait to see how you continue to develop your Mermaid storybook by developing each characters profile more. Great job on your storybook so far and I look forward to coming back to see the finished project!
This storybook is crazy unique. I'm excited to know what the stories will be like. Will they all be love stories of the different couples that met on the site? There would be so many possibilities! The layout of the site looks complicated. Not complicated for the reader, but it seems like you put a lot of effort into the design. Good job! The testimonials were a nice touch. There's even a lesbian couple! How welcoming! I liked the phrase "out of the blue" in their section. Is that supposed to be joke because they're in the ocean? Maybe not, but I thought it was funny nonetheless.
I just noticed a couple of grammar things. The next to the last sentence in the opening paragraph was a little confusing. Maybe "ask" should be taken out? The first sentence under the Naia and Ava testimonial should read "I had met one" I believe. The words were switched. In the last paragraph on the page, "are" should be deleted from the phrase "we're are almost to the altar". Overall good job on creativity!
Hey Taylor! Your storybook, MermaidsOnly.com, is really fun and super creative! I liked the way you set up the layout to look like an actual dating website with matches and even a couple of testimonials. I also really liked that one of the testimonial couples was a same sex couple. That was really cool of you to incorporate that! I am super stoked to see how the rest of your storybook turns out! Are you going to write a story about each of the matches or are you going to write about a main character’s date experience with each of the matches? Or, I could be completely off and you could write about something completely different. The pictures that you used were very nice. My favorite one was the little mermaid picture of the character Lorelei in the matches section. She looks very sad but, the picture is quite beautiful. I only noticed a few grammar errors but nothing major, just a typo here and there. Overall, great job! Your story has a cool concept and I am looking forward to reading it.
Taylor, I honestly have no idea where to begin. I was laughing while reading your introduction and first story because it was so much like a dating website. This was a great and original concept. It was creative that you decided to make your storybook a dating website. Also, you took that concept to an even more creative level by making it for mermaids. I thought the introduction was great that you made it to where the reader already "matched" with these mermaids and now they must read each profile.
I found the first profile humorous on how it seems to resemble an actual dating website profile. It is great that you took social media, but gave it a fantasy edge. I thought the both the introduction and first story (profile) was very well written. Overall, great job on your storybook and an even better job with the originality of it!
I thought that your idea for your storybook was very clever! I swear every other day there is a new ad for a kitschy dating website like this one! While reading your introduction, I found the layout to be really great, but I think the font could be a bit larger. When it’s so spread out across the width of the page, it makes it difficult to read when it’s so small. I thought your page on Serena was really well done. It’s definitely a believeable dating site bio! I thought the parts you added about her previous marriage were funny and insightful, even if they probably weren’t the kind of thing that’s usually included in a profile like that. The bio has a lot of personality and definitely shows us the real Serena, which I think is pretty cool. I was still a little confused at the end as to why they throw the items to her when she calls for them, but I feel like I might just be a little oblivious…
Your storybook is super clever, Taylor! The layout for the introduction is perfect, it looks like your stereotypical dating website! The header picture of the sea looks really nice, it is just the type of picture I would imagine for a website like this. I liked how you clearly set up which characters you would be focusing on for the upcoming stories without saying "this is who I'm going to talk about" really blatantly. For the first story about Serena, one suggestion I would make is switching the bolding from the content to the header for each section. Like, instead of having "Eye Color" in regular text and "Brown" in bold, you could flip it around so we can clearly see what each section is detailing! The pictures you use for each mermaid do a good job of tying a face to the words so to speak as well. Great job so far on the whole thing, I'll probably have to check back to see the next few posts!
The page on Serena was great! The layout had a perfect relationship to how a dating website profile would look. You did a good job of bolding the parts that had the mermaid’s information. I would suggest to use maybe one size bigger font. This would make it easier to follow and read. I like how it includes all the basic information about Serena: age, intent, seeking who for what, if she wants kids, marital status, sign, hair and eye color, pets, and her longest relationship. This helps you picture right away what type of mermaid she is. It made me laugh that she has a seahorse as a pet. The extra information given in more detail was perfect. You did a great job of using your imagination and making it seem so real. The author’s note did a good job of explaining where you got your idea from and providing the background from the original story. Great job!
Your page about Serena was awesome!! I really like how you made the page to look exactly like a dating site. It has all the things that you would expect to see on a dating profile which is great! I like how it includes her information about her age, her location, and even told about her previous relationship. You did a really great job with this! I like how you took the parts of the original story and incorporated it to her dating profile. You were very creative in thinking of this idea! Great job! There are probably a few things that I would change though. Serena's profile picture kind of looks like she's upset. The picture is very pretty, but I think I would have added a picture of her smiling and looking happy. I would probably make the categories such as "About Me" and "Interests" bolded so that it will be easier to read and to find if you just want to go straight to a category to read. Other than that, this was really good!
Serena: I love the setup of your page! Specifically the fake buttons to send the mermaid a message, add her to your favorites, or view your interaction. I think that is very clever and provides a wonderful introduction to your story. I want a seahorse for a pet! I think it is pretty realistic for her to not want to date a human after being married to one, because that is what most people do. They want to date someone completely different from their exes. I haven’t read the original story so I wonder why the sailors would through things overboard when she called out their name. Was it out of fear possibly? It is also pretty sad that Sam’s crew would through him overboard just to satisfy the mermaid. I’m glad you included more details about her because it gives more insight into this character. Overall I think you’re doing a great job.
I, like everyone else, loved your idea! It was hilarious! I think your idea to make the profile pages with a little bit of background information about each of the mermaids you're choosing to write your stories over was such a great idea. The introduction sounds just like a commercial for a dating site - perfect amount of humor! I really enjoyed that you were able to include some of the information from the story of Serena in her biography, but it also left so much of it up to you, which is great! I didn't really notice any grammatical errors, so awesome job! If I had to make any suggestions, I think it would be kind of cool if on the introduction page where you have the statement "Learn more here", you made it a link to their story pages. As for Serena, she definitely seems like a "go-getter". I haven't read the original story, but from your profile of her, she seems like a feisty woman.
Hey Taylor! This week I read "Serena" and I have to say i'm still really loving the idea of a mermaid dating site. I wish I was a mermaid! I'd join that site in a heartbeat (if I hadn't found my merman or mermaid partner in crime, of course). I liked her profile, but wished I could have learned more about her past relationship. I understand though, that when searching for a new love, you usually don't want to talk about your past flings and relationships. Her "Interests" reminded me of Ariel from The Little Mermaid. I imagine Serena would have a cave full of gadgets and gizmos too. It's cool that she likes to cook too; I like to cook and wish I had more time to do it. Overall I thought you broke your story up well and liked how you structured it to look just like a real dating site.
Hey Taylor! This is my first time visiting you site and I'm already pretty fascinated with your choice of idea for a mermaid dating site. Pretty genius and way more exciting than anything else that I have seen. All of your writing is really great and easy to read. It all flows really well together. You give great background info on the 'Getting Started' page. Those testimonials are priceless! Great idea. The 'Serena' page is really interesting. It gives awesome background information on her life and her story. Overall, your writing is really great. My only critic is on format and overall look. I like the font you use on Mermaidsonly.com maybe try and find on similar and more reader friendly to use in the bulk of your writing. Also, I think the image on the first page looks a little odd. I think it duplicated twice to fit the length of the page, but that may just be on my computer. Maybe trying finding a higher quality image that will take up the whole page. Other than that, great job!
First off, this is a great idea for a storybook. There are so many dating sites out there today that there just may be a real one of these. Who knows. The title of your storybook caught my attention immediately. I thought that your paragraphs were well organized and sentences flowed smoothly. You made it look like a real dating page. Nice job on that. I enjoyed that you even included if the mermaids were new to the site. The layout of your storybook was good as well. It was simple and easy for me to read.
I thought that the Serena dating page was well done. The interests and hobbies seem accurate to what a mermaid would enjoy. Cool idea. I laughed that her idea of a great first date would be swimming in the Atlantic.
Overall, great job. I look forward to reading more stories from you in the future of the class!
Hey Taylor, I decided to come back to your storybook to see how it was progressing. I am pleasantly surprised to see that since the last time I visited you have added a story about your first mermaid. I really enjoyed reading the mermaid's story. It's very well written and flowed nicely. Again, the picture choices were very beautiful and colorful and showed the mermaids in a vulnerable yet beautiful way. I can't wait to read the next stories on the other two mermaids!!! You make them sounds so intriguing and I find myself dreaming about being a mermaid too. Lol Each mermaid has such a unique story to tell and I can see how this would be a very fun storybook to write. You are getting quite a few comments that are extremely positive so keep up the good work! I have no real constructive criticism for your storybook because as far as I can tell...you've corrected everything that people have mentioned before me and I think that is great. I'll most definitely be coming back to read more of your storybook as you complete it. Great job!
I'm back this week to check out your Lorelei story. My initial thought was that I really like the picture you chose. It's hauntingly beautiful. I also like that she has a great white shark for a pet. That would be really cool and also really scary. I'd be afraid that it would eat me! I liked that you tied in her flirty, fun nature all throughout. Everything from her star sign to her longest relationship to her "what i'm looking for" section went together smoothly. I also thought it was neat that you gave her some depth in her "about me" section by alluding to a bit of a dark past and a possible string of committed relationships gone bad. It also gave her some vulnerability and made her easier for your audience to connect to. I didn't read the original story, but I like that you kept her sense of destruction of others. Awesome job!
Lorelei: Each week I've been clicking on yours storybook and hoping that you have added a new story. I still LOVE the format. I’m seeing a theme of searching for new things and adventure with these mermaids. The picture makes her look so sad, which makes since because she is scared of commitment and doesn’t want to get hurt. I think the use of the use of the phrase, “tied down,” is used perfectly and also has an added meaning because this takes place under the ocean. A pet shark is pretty awesome! I’m sure they would make great protectors. The name Toothless is perfect! It seems to me like he is the only creature she really loves. I wonder what the life expectancy of a shark in relation to a mermaid is. Why are mermaids so fascinated with humans? Well, I guess humans are pretty fascinated with mermaids as well, so I guess it makes since. I really like the difference in the personalities between the two mermaids in your stories. One is looking for love while the other is looking for some fun. Once again a wonderful story!
This is my first time reading your storybook and let me say I love the idea you had. Your introduction is great. Using a dating website as your way to convey stories is very creative. I really like how you even included testimonials in your introduction for proof that mermaidsonly.com does indeed work! Also, your background and layout of the site is perfect for the theme. Having the sea as your background obviously alludes to the mermaid theme and fits perfectly. It also makes the entire storybook seem vibrant and inviting in a sense. For the story I read I chose the story of Serena. I really just love the layout of your story. Although I have never been to a dating website, I imagine it looks pretty close to this. I really liked the pictures and about me parts of Serena's profile. It did a great job of alluding to her past and the picture obviously adds a personal part to her profile and gives the reader a look at her appearance. Great job so far!
Hey Taylor, Great Homepage. I really liked it and the picture you chose was great. The layout is different from most of the other storybooks I have read so I appreciate the uniqueness of it. The concept of your storybook is very creative. I am addicted to the show married at first sight for some odd reason so when I saw your introduction I found it entertaining. The layout of your introduction was also creative. Placing the three matches then following it with testimonials was a good way to go. The pictures you chose were amazing and I think they really add to your storybook website as a whole. When reading through the introduction I did not see any huge errors, if there were any I really didn’t notice because I was busy enjoying the story so that is always a good thing. The colors were great and overall I think this is a great start to your storybook.
Hi Taylor. Your storybook is really interesting. It's so different from the other storybooks that I've read! Anyway, I think I found a typo in your introduction page. "I met had one person on MermaidsOnly" in the Naia and Ava section doesn't sound quite right to me. Otherwise, your introduction was nicely laid out, and it was easy to follow.
I'm jealous of Serena's pet seahorse! But really, the formatting is a bit odd, but otherwise this section is pretty easy to follow. I think it's funny that a mermaid's favorite activity is swimming. That's like me saying that my favorite activity is walking. It just seems like it's something that they do all the time, so I don't know how it could be one of her favorite things. Also, I don't quite understand how her previous marriage could've worked. If a ship threw him overboard, did she somehow save him? Anyway, despite not understanding how Serena's first marriage would've worked, I really enjoyed your storybook. Good job!
Welcome Page: I love your title! Your format and welcome page are fabulous. I love it! It really gets the reader ready to read about mermaids.
ReplyDeleteHome Page: This is such a cool topic! So creative! I love how you start off with questions, because it helps draw your readers in. One of the interesting things about your storybook is that you are having mermaids have modern relationships even though they are ancient creature. I like idea of bring the ancient to the modern.
When I was reading the first part of your home page I laughed when you wrote that the reader had already filled out an extensive questionnaire. I laughed because I thought it was so cleaver! I loved it.
Your introduction does a wonderful job of introducing the premise of your storybook, but I wanted a little bit more on the perspective mermaids the reader has been matched with. Maybe a small description of their personality could be added. I did really like the success stories you added at the bottom. They give the reader an idea of what the rest of your storybook is going to be about. I liked that a lot.
Overall I think you have a wonderful storybook started!!!
Hey Taylor!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your introduction. It is by far the most interesting and creative introduction I have read so far. I liked how it is formatted to look like a real dating website. It is not formatted in the conventional introduction layout. The incorporation of multiple images really ameliorates the website.
I also like how detailed your introduction/website is. Even the little details you included such as whether or not the mermaid is "online now" or close to being online. This really adds to the website's portrayal overall. It makes it look like an actual dating website and not just a storybook.
The only suggestions I have are that maybe you could include in your introduction of how one could create his/her own profile. You showed profiles of other mermaids. this will most draw in more viewers. Another suggestion I have is that perhaps you can include more information in the introduction, such as is this dating website only for mermaids or is it a website made for those looking for mermaids. For example, does the person have to a mermaid as well or can the person just be interested in mermaids?
Good job Taylor!
Oh my gosh!! This is great!! First off, mermaids are my absolute favorite!! I am so obsessed with anything that has to do with mermaids. That being said, you already have my attention haha. I love how you made your storybook into a dating website for mermaids! That is so creative!! I really like how you started your intro by using a bunch of questions. It really draws the audience in. I like how you showed a couple of examples of profiles and even added some testimonies. From what I know about dating sites, it has a list of their interests or even a little bio about the person, so it would have been cool to add a small little bio or something about them. It is still a great idea though!! I absolutely love it. There are a few grammar mistakes, nothing too serious though. I really can't wait to read more of you storybook!!
ReplyDeleteI don't even know where to start haha. I saw "MermaidsOnly.com" and immediately thought of FarmersOnly.com, which I assume has to be the motivation behind this (and if it is not you should check it out). I love the idea and the unique spin on telling romance stories. This is more of a personal thing because I prefer comedy to romance, but you might include in some of your stories little anecdotes from the mermaids' previous experiences on dating sites. So "When I used ChristianMingle.com, the first man I got paired with could barely do the doggy paddle!", or something along those lines. That way it adds in some humor and it goes with the pretty common dating site advertisement of how no other site understood me until I found this one. I absolutely love the concept though and I'll keep checking in to hear the tales of mermaid love!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, the title of your storybook is very catching. Of course, I want to read about mermaidsonly.com. Honesty, I had no idea that it was going to be a “dating” site for mermaids, but I thought it was very unique and interesting to read. The layout of the introduction is perfect. I like how you spilt up everything and have a picture for every mermaid and testimonial. This makes it easy to picture what they look like and what they have been through. I think that the testimonials play a big part of the introduction and was a great touch. I am now curious to what other stories are going to be added. Will it be about each individual l mermaid? Will it be about one of their experiences on the website? Will it be about the testimonial couples? There are many options and I cannot wait to see what you come up with. I can tell that you have a great imagination which is wonderful for this storybook. Great job!
ReplyDeleteTaylor,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook has a great start to it. I really enjoyed the theme that you selected with the mermaids. Upon reading your introduction, it has me excited to read the rest of your stories. I really liked the setup of your introduction page as well because it has a lot of pictures of different mermaids. I really like the method you chose to do your stories as well. With all of the dating websites there are today, it’s a good thing there is finally one for mermaids! You did a great job on this and have been very creative through the process. The only suggestion I have is that the white background I think would be cooler if it had more of an ocean feel to it. I don’t know how easy this is to do, but a nice ocean blue would be pretty cool. It isn’t that the white is bad, but I think it could just add to the overall theme.
This week I was not put into a group, so I chose your storybook because it had mermaids in the title and I LOVE mermaids and mythology associated with them. If I could be one, I am almost certain I would (given that they had full equal rights and all that jazz). Once I arrived on your site, I liked the initial picture and that it hinted further at this being a dating site similar to match.com or onlyfarmers.com (or whatever it is, it's a dating site aimed at farmers and the commercials just crack me up). I love your home page/introduction, it's set up just like you'd see if you were being baited into joining a site like this and would entice a client/customer to be more inclined to meet the beautiful sea-maidens shown on the screen. I love the little blurbs you did for the mermaids and really am excited to see where you take this.
ReplyDeleteTaylor, I chose to read your project as one of my random selections for the week. I’m now super thankful that I decided to look at your project and check it out. You did an excellent job setting up your cover page and your introduction! All of your decisions for your layout really work to forward your project ideas. Setting up your project as a dating website front is really unique and creative! I love how you set up your pictures to be potential matches for the sight, it really helps for them to seamlessly blend into your post and serve a full purpose. Your introduction division into an “about the site” segment and then a testimonial portion was really interesting as well. So far your project seems to be going excellent and hopefully you have a clear direction of where to move forward and continue! This should be a really fun read and I look forward to seeing more! Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor, you were chosen as my free choice for this week. I was immediately drawn to your storybook because of the title, MermaidsOnly.com. What a cute title! I definitely like the layout and the fact that it truly looks like a dating site should look. Each profile has a description with a picture. The testimonial part was so creative! I like how you chose to depict a married couple (female & male) and a couple about to get married (female and female). There's no sexual orientation discrimination on your storybook page!
ReplyDeleteThere was one part under the testimonial of Naia & Ava that read a little weird. It was the beginning of this sentence, I met had one person". I wasn't quite sure what you were meaning to say there. There were also a couple places in the testimonials were you only wrote MermaidsOnly instead of MermaidsOnly.com.
The pictures were so nice and pretty. Each mermaid looked beautiful and the colors were so vivid. I can't wait to see how you continue to develop your Mermaid storybook by developing each characters profile more.
Great job on your storybook so far and I look forward to coming back to see the finished project!
This storybook is crazy unique. I'm excited to know what the stories will be like. Will they all be love stories of the different couples that met on the site? There would be so many possibilities! The layout of the site looks complicated. Not complicated for the reader, but it seems like you put a lot of effort into the design. Good job! The testimonials were a nice touch. There's even a lesbian couple! How welcoming! I liked the phrase "out of the blue" in their section. Is that supposed to be joke because they're in the ocean? Maybe not, but I thought it was funny nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteI just noticed a couple of grammar things. The next to the last sentence in the opening paragraph was a little confusing. Maybe "ask" should be taken out? The first sentence under the Naia and Ava testimonial should read "I had met one" I believe. The words were switched. In the last paragraph on the page, "are" should be deleted from the phrase "we're are almost to the altar". Overall good job on creativity!
Hey Taylor! Your storybook, MermaidsOnly.com, is really fun and super creative! I liked the way you set up the layout to look like an actual dating website with matches and even a couple of testimonials. I also really liked that one of the testimonial couples was a same sex couple. That was really cool of you to incorporate that! I am super stoked to see how the rest of your storybook turns out! Are you going to write a story about each of the matches or are you going to write about a main character’s date experience with each of the matches? Or, I could be completely off and you could write about something completely different. The pictures that you used were very nice. My favorite one was the little mermaid picture of the character Lorelei in the matches section. She looks very sad but, the picture is quite beautiful. I only noticed a few grammar errors but nothing major, just a typo here and there. Overall, great job! Your story has a cool concept and I am looking forward to reading it.
ReplyDeleteTaylor, I honestly have no idea where to begin. I was laughing while reading your introduction and first story because it was so much like a dating website. This was a great and original concept. It was creative that you decided to make your storybook a dating website. Also, you took that concept to an even more creative level by making it for mermaids. I thought the introduction was great that you made it to where the reader already "matched" with these mermaids and now they must read each profile.
ReplyDeleteI found the first profile humorous on how it seems to resemble an actual dating website profile. It is great that you took social media, but gave it a fantasy edge. I thought the both the introduction and first story (profile) was very well written. Overall, great job on your storybook and an even better job with the originality of it!
I thought that your idea for your storybook was very clever! I swear every other day there is a new ad for a kitschy dating website like this one! While reading your introduction, I found the layout to be really great, but I think the font could be a bit larger. When it’s so spread out across the width of the page, it makes it difficult to read when it’s so small. I thought your page on Serena was really well done. It’s definitely a believeable dating site bio! I thought the parts you added about her previous marriage were funny and insightful, even if they probably weren’t the kind of thing that’s usually included in a profile like that. The bio has a lot of personality and definitely shows us the real Serena, which I think is pretty cool. I was still a little confused at the end as to why they throw the items to her when she calls for them, but I feel like I might just be a little oblivious…
ReplyDeleteYour storybook is super clever, Taylor! The layout for the introduction is perfect, it looks like your stereotypical dating website! The header picture of the sea looks really nice, it is just the type of picture I would imagine for a website like this. I liked how you clearly set up which characters you would be focusing on for the upcoming stories without saying "this is who I'm going to talk about" really blatantly. For the first story about Serena, one suggestion I would make is switching the bolding from the content to the header for each section. Like, instead of having "Eye Color" in regular text and "Brown" in bold, you could flip it around so we can clearly see what each section is detailing! The pictures you use for each mermaid do a good job of tying a face to the words so to speak as well. Great job so far on the whole thing, I'll probably have to check back to see the next few posts!
ReplyDeleteThe page on Serena was great! The layout had a perfect relationship to how a dating website profile would look. You did a good job of bolding the parts that had the mermaid’s information. I would suggest to use maybe one size bigger font. This would make it easier to follow and read. I like how it includes all the basic information about Serena: age, intent, seeking who for what, if she wants kids, marital status, sign, hair and eye color, pets, and her longest relationship. This helps you picture right away what type of mermaid she is. It made me laugh that she has a seahorse as a pet. The extra information given in more detail was perfect. You did a great job of using your imagination and making it seem so real. The author’s note did a good job of explaining where you got your idea from and providing the background from the original story. Great job!
ReplyDeleteYour page about Serena was awesome!! I really like how you made the page to look exactly like a dating site. It has all the things that you would expect to see on a dating profile which is great! I like how it includes her information about her age, her location, and even told about her previous relationship. You did a really great job with this! I like how you took the parts of the original story and incorporated it to her dating profile. You were very creative in thinking of this idea! Great job! There are probably a few things that I would change though. Serena's profile picture kind of looks like she's upset. The picture is very pretty, but I think I would have added a picture of her smiling and looking happy. I would probably make the categories such as "About Me" and "Interests" bolded so that it will be easier to read and to find if you just want to go straight to a category to read. Other than that, this was really good!
ReplyDeleteSerena:
ReplyDeleteI love the setup of your page! Specifically the fake buttons to send the mermaid a message, add her to your favorites, or view your interaction. I think that is very clever and provides a wonderful introduction to your story. I want a seahorse for a pet!
I think it is pretty realistic for her to not want to date a human after being married to one, because that is what most people do. They want to date someone completely different from their exes.
I haven’t read the original story so I wonder why the sailors would through things overboard when she called out their name. Was it out of fear possibly? It is also pretty sad that Sam’s crew would through him overboard just to satisfy the mermaid. I’m glad you included more details about her because it gives more insight into this character. Overall I think you’re doing a great job.
I, like everyone else, loved your idea! It was hilarious! I think your idea to make the profile pages with a little bit of background information about each of the mermaids you're choosing to write your stories over was such a great idea. The introduction sounds just like a commercial for a dating site - perfect amount of humor! I really enjoyed that you were able to include some of the information from the story of Serena in her biography, but it also left so much of it up to you, which is great! I didn't really notice any grammatical errors, so awesome job! If I had to make any suggestions, I think it would be kind of cool if on the introduction page where you have the statement "Learn more here", you made it a link to their story pages. As for Serena, she definitely seems like a "go-getter". I haven't read the original story, but from your profile of her, she seems like a feisty woman.
ReplyDeleteHey Taylor! This week I read "Serena" and I have to say i'm still really loving the idea of a mermaid dating site. I wish I was a mermaid! I'd join that site in a heartbeat (if I hadn't found my merman or mermaid partner in crime, of course). I liked her profile, but wished I could have learned more about her past relationship. I understand though, that when searching for a new love, you usually don't want to talk about your past flings and relationships. Her "Interests" reminded me of Ariel from The Little Mermaid. I imagine Serena would have a cave full of gadgets and gizmos too. It's cool that she likes to cook too; I like to cook and wish I had more time to do it. Overall I thought you broke your story up well and liked how you structured it to look just like a real dating site.
ReplyDeleteHey Taylor! This is my first time visiting you site and I'm already pretty fascinated with your choice of idea for a mermaid dating site. Pretty genius and way more exciting than anything else that I have seen. All of your writing is really great and easy to read. It all flows really well together. You give great background info on the 'Getting Started' page. Those testimonials are priceless! Great idea. The 'Serena' page is really interesting. It gives awesome background information on her life and her story. Overall, your writing is really great. My only critic is on format and overall look. I like the font you use on Mermaidsonly.com maybe try and find on similar and more reader friendly to use in the bulk of your writing. Also, I think the image on the first page looks a little odd. I think it duplicated twice to fit the length of the page, but that may just be on my computer. Maybe trying finding a higher quality image that will take up the whole page. Other than that, great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, this is a great idea for a storybook. There are so many dating sites out there today that there just may be a real one of these. Who knows. The title of your storybook caught my attention immediately. I thought that your paragraphs were well organized and sentences flowed smoothly. You made it look like a real dating page. Nice job on that. I enjoyed that you even included if the mermaids were new to the site. The layout of your storybook was good as well. It was simple and easy for me to read.
I thought that the Serena dating page was well done. The interests and hobbies seem accurate to what a mermaid would enjoy. Cool idea. I laughed that her idea of a great first date would be swimming in the Atlantic.
Overall, great job. I look forward to reading more stories from you in the future of the class!
Hey Taylor, I decided to come back to your storybook to see how it was progressing. I am pleasantly surprised to see that since the last time I visited you have added a story about your first mermaid. I really enjoyed reading the mermaid's story.
ReplyDeleteIt's very well written and flowed nicely. Again, the picture choices were very beautiful and colorful and showed the mermaids in a vulnerable yet beautiful way.
I can't wait to read the next stories on the other two mermaids!!! You make them sounds so intriguing and I find myself dreaming about being a mermaid too. Lol
Each mermaid has such a unique story to tell and I can see how this would be a very fun storybook to write. You are getting quite a few comments that are extremely positive so keep up the good work!
I have no real constructive criticism for your storybook because as far as I can tell...you've corrected everything that people have mentioned before me and I think that is great. I'll most definitely be coming back to read more of your storybook as you complete it. Great job!
I'm back this week to check out your Lorelei story. My initial thought was that I really like the picture you chose. It's hauntingly beautiful. I also like that she has a great white shark for a pet. That would be really cool and also really scary. I'd be afraid that it would eat me! I liked that you tied in her flirty, fun nature all throughout. Everything from her star sign to her longest relationship to her "what i'm looking for" section went together smoothly. I also thought it was neat that you gave her some depth in her "about me" section by alluding to a bit of a dark past and a possible string of committed relationships gone bad. It also gave her some vulnerability and made her easier for your audience to connect to. I didn't read the original story, but I like that you kept her sense of destruction of others. Awesome job!
ReplyDeleteLorelei: Each week I've been clicking on yours storybook and hoping that you have added a new story. I still LOVE the format.
ReplyDeleteI’m seeing a theme of searching for new things and adventure with these mermaids.
The picture makes her look so sad, which makes since because she is scared of commitment and doesn’t want to get hurt.
I think the use of the use of the phrase, “tied down,” is used perfectly and also has an added meaning because this takes place under the ocean.
A pet shark is pretty awesome! I’m sure they would make great protectors. The name Toothless is perfect! It seems to me like he is the only creature she really loves. I wonder what the life expectancy of a shark in relation to a mermaid is.
Why are mermaids so fascinated with humans? Well, I guess humans are pretty fascinated with mermaids as well, so I guess it makes since.
I really like the difference in the personalities between the two mermaids in your stories. One is looking for love while the other is looking for some fun.
Once again a wonderful story!
This is my first time reading your storybook and let me say I love the idea you had. Your introduction is great. Using a dating website as your way to convey stories is very creative. I really like how you even included testimonials in your introduction for proof that mermaidsonly.com does indeed work! Also, your background and layout of the site is perfect for the theme. Having the sea as your background obviously alludes to the mermaid theme and fits perfectly. It also makes the entire storybook seem vibrant and inviting in a sense.
ReplyDeleteFor the story I read I chose the story of Serena. I really just love the layout of your story. Although I have never been to a dating website, I imagine it looks pretty close to this. I really liked the pictures and about me parts of Serena's profile. It did a great job of alluding to her past and the picture obviously adds a personal part to her profile and gives the reader a look at her appearance. Great job so far!
Hey Taylor, Great Homepage. I really liked it and the picture you chose was great. The layout is different from most of the other storybooks I have read so I appreciate the uniqueness of it. The concept of your storybook is very creative. I am addicted to the show married at first sight for some odd reason so when I saw your introduction I found it entertaining. The layout of your introduction was also creative. Placing the three matches then following it with testimonials was a good way to go. The pictures you chose were amazing and I think they really add to your storybook website as a whole. When reading through the introduction I did not see any huge errors, if there were any I really didn’t notice because I was busy enjoying the story so that is always a good thing. The colors were great and overall I think this is a great start to your storybook.
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor. Your storybook is really interesting. It's so different from the other storybooks that I've read! Anyway, I think I found a typo in your introduction page. "I met had one person on MermaidsOnly" in the Naia and Ava section doesn't sound quite right to me. Otherwise, your introduction was nicely laid out, and it was easy to follow.
ReplyDeleteI'm jealous of Serena's pet seahorse! But really, the formatting is a bit odd, but otherwise this section is pretty easy to follow. I think it's funny that a mermaid's favorite activity is swimming. That's like me saying that my favorite activity is walking. It just seems like it's something that they do all the time, so I don't know how it could be one of her favorite things. Also, I don't quite understand how her previous marriage could've worked. If a ship threw him overboard, did she somehow save him? Anyway, despite not understanding how Serena's first marriage would've worked, I really enjoyed your storybook. Good job!